Released as the B side of the single "Calling Elvis".
(Mark Knopfler) 4:23
Transcribed from CD single by Eric Adcock, April 1993.
I woke up this morning, my jacuzzi wouldn't work
Then the butler quit on me, man, can you believe it? Jerk!
Must have been my artistic temperament he couldn't take
How come nobody wants to give me a break?
I've got the blues right down, mean and low
I'm as low as the heels of my alligator shoes
You should know how it feels to have these millionaire blues
Millionaire blues
Well, I found one of my bathrooms and I made it to the sink
I called one of my managers up and I poured myself a drink.
Oh, I swear I'd kill that little weasel if I could
I checked myself in the mirror - my hair was looking good, but
I had the blues right there, mean and mean and mean and low
As low as the heels on my alligator shoes
You should know how it feels to have these millionaire blues
Millionaire blues
Get down!
[ grumbling during guitar solo ]
Well, so much for breakfast, I couldn't face lunch
I thought I'd raise my spirits with a little champagne brunch.
I take the Lamborghini, the flunkie parks the car
Can you believe it, man, this other monkey won't let me in the bar!
I said, I said, "Don't you know who I am, man?" and he says, "No."
No! Can you believe it?
I'm as low as the heels of these alligator shoes
You should know how it feels to have these millionaire blues
Millionaire blues, to have these millionaire blues,
Millionaire blues
Bad, bad!
That's bad! Yeah
So hard,
It's hard sometimes for a boy
Ah, I like that
That's good
Get down!
You're making a very big mistake, man
Oh yeah
You'll never work in this town again!
All right

I hate to start my parties late
here's the party cart - ain't that great?
that ain't the best part baby - just wait
that a genuine weathervane - it moves with the breeze
portable hammok baby - who needs trees
it's casual entertaining - we aim to please
at my parties

check out the shingles - it's brand new
excuse me while I mingle - hi, how are you
hey everybody - let me give you a toast
this one's for me - the host with the most

it's getting a trifle colder - step inside my home
that's a brass toilet tissue holder with its own telephone
that's a musical doorbell - it don't ring, I ain't kiddin'
it plays america the beautiful and tie a yellow ribbon

boy, this punch is a trip - it's o.k. in my book
here, take a sip - maybe a little heavy on the fruit
ah, here comes the dip - you may kiss the cook
let me show you honey - it's easy - look
you take a fork and spike 'em - say, did you try these?
so glad you like 'em - the secret's in the cheese
it's casual entertaining - we aim to please
at my parties

now don't talk to me about the polar bear
don't talk to me about the ozone layer
ain't much of anything these days, even the air
they're running out of rhinos - what do I care?
let's hear it for the dolphin - let's hear it for the trees
ain't running out of nothing in my deep freeze
it's casual entertaining - we aim to please
at my parties

He take the road as it comes
It takes the shine off his shoes
He's says it's a shame
You know it may be a game
But I won't play to lose
He's burning the grass
He take up a glass
He swallow it neat
He crosses the floor
He open the door
He take a sniff of the street
And she tell him that he's crazy
She's saying listen baby
I'm your wife
She tells him he's crazy
For gambling with his life
But he climbs on his horse
You know he feels no remorse
He just kicks it alive
His motor is fine
He take it over the line
Until he's ready to dive
And she tells him that he's crazy
She's saying listen baby
I'm your wife
She's tell him he's crazy
For gambling with his life
He sticks to his guns
He take the road as it comes
It takes the shine off his shoes
He's says it's a shame
You know it may be a game
But I won't play to lose
He sticks to his guns
He take the road as it comes
It takes the shine off his shoes
He's too fast to stop
He take it over the top
He make a line in the news

Scaring up pedestrians for a minute
Crossing up the progress driving on the grass
Leaving just enough for room to pass
Sunday driver never took a test
Oh yeah, once upon a time in the west
Yes, and it's no use saying that you don't know nothing
Still gonna get you if don't do something
Sitting on the fence that's a dangerous course
You can even catch a bullet from the peace keeping force
Even a hero gets a bullet in the chest
Oh yeah, once upon a time in the west
I want to marry your children Mrs. Lauden
Some of your mothers ought to lock up your daughters
Who's protecting the innocent team
A heap of trouble in the land of plenty
Tell me how we're gonna do what's best
You guessed, once upon a time in the west
Oh yeah, once upon a time in the west

Her breasts upon the offbeat
And the stalls are just the side shows
Victoriana's old clothes
Yeah she got the skirt so tight now
She wanna travel light now
She wanna tear up all her roots now
She got the turn-up on the boots now
She thinks she's tough
She ain't no English rose
But the blind singer
He's seen enough and he knows
He do a song about a long gone Irish girl
But I got one for you my Portobello Belle
She sees a man upon his back there
Escaping from a sack there
And Belladonna lingers
Her gloves they got no fingers
Blind man he's singing the Irish
He gets his money in a tin dish
Just a corner serenader
Once upon a time he could have made her
She thinks she's tough
She ain't no English rose
But the blind singer
He's seen enough and he knows
He do a song about a long gone Irish girl
But I got one for you my Portobello Belle
Yes and these barrow boys are hawking
And a parakeet is squawking
Upon a truck a paper rhino
She get the crying of a wino
And then she get the reggae rumble
Belladonna's in the jungle
But she ain't no garden flower
There ain't no distress in the tower
Belladonna walks
Belladonna taking control
She don't care about your window box
Or your button hole
She sing a song about a long gone Irish girl
But I got one for you my Portobello Belle

for the usual fee - plus expenses
confidential information - it's not a public inquiry
I go checking out the reports - digging up the dirt
you get to meet all sorts in this line of work
treachery and treason - there's always an excuse for it
and when I find the reason I still can't get used to it
And what have you got at the end of the day?
what have you got to take away?
a bottle of whisky and a new set of lies
blinds on the windows and a pain behind the eyes
Scarred for life - nocompensation
private investigations

We are the chosen, we're the partisan
The cause it is noble and the cause it is just
We are ready to pay with our lives if we must
Gonna ride across the river deep and wide
Ride across the river to the other side
I'm a soldier of fortune, I'm a dog of war
And we don't give a damn who the killing is for
It's the same old story with a different name
Death or glory, it's the killing game
Gonna ride across the river deep and wide
Ride across the river to the other side
Nothing gonna stop them as the day follows the night
Right becomes wrong, the left becomes the right
And they sing as they march with their flags unfurled
Today in the mountains, tomorrow the world
Gonna ride across the river deep and wide
Ride across the river to the other side

laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convinient streelight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

juliet says hey it's romeo you nearly gimme a heart attack
he's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back
you shouldn't come around here singing up at people like that
anyway what you gonna do about it?

Juliet the dice were loaded from the start
and i bet and you exploded in my heart
and i forget i forget the movie song
when you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

come up on different stress they both were streets of shame
both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
and i dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real
how can you look at me as if i was just another one of your deals?

when you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
you can fall for pretty strangers and promises they hold
you promised me everything you promised me thick and thin
now you just say oh romeo yeah you know i used to have a scene with him

juliet when we made love and used to cry
you said i love you like the stars abouve i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
whne you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

i can't do the talk like they talk on TV
and i can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be
i can't do everything but i'd do anything for you
i can't do anything except be in love with you

and all i do iss miss you and the way we used to be
all i do is keep the beat and bad company
all i do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme
julie i'd do the with you any time

juliet when we made love and used to cry
you said i love you like the stars abouve i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
whne you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

a lovestruk romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convinient streelight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it

Well the word is out and I learned
I got the latest side of the story
You're pulling out before you get burned
Well your hands are squeezing me down to the bone
I never saw you breaking no law
Stands to reason I've got to leave you alone
What you take me for
You're setting me up to put me down
You're making me out to be your clown
You're just setting me up to put me down
You better give it up
Quit your messing around
You think I care about your reaction
You think I don't understand
All you wanted was a piece of the action
Now you talk about another man

The rivers rolls away in the night
Little gypsy moth she's all tied down
She quiver in the wind and the light
Yeah and a sailing ship just held down in chains
From the lazy days of sail
It's just lying there in silent pain
He lean on the turist rail
A mother and her baby and the colege war
and the concrete graves
You never wanna against the river law
Nobody rules the waves
Yeah and on the night when the lazy wind is a-wailing
Around the Cutty Sark
Single handed sailor goes sailing
Sailing away in the dark
He's upon the bridge on the self same night
The mariner of dry dock land
Two in the morning, but there is one green light
And the man on the barge of sand
She's gonna slip away below him
Away from the things he's done
But he just shouts "Hey man, what do you call this thing?"
He could have said "Pride of London"
On the night when the lazy wind is a-wailing
Around the Cutty Sark
Yeah the single handed sailor goes sailing
Sailing away in the dark

Anything you want it to
One blade for breaking my heart
One blade for tearing me apart
Your six blade knife-do anything for you
You can take away my mind like you take away the top of a tin
When you come up from behind and lay it down cold on my skin
Took a stone from my soul when I was lame
Just so you could make me tame
You take away my mind like you take away the top of a tin
I'd like to be free of it now - I don't want it no more
I'd like to be free of it now - you know I don't want it no more
Everybody got a knife it can be just what they want it to be
A needle a wife or something that you just can't see
You know it keeps you strong
Yes and it'll do me wrong
Your six blade knife - do anything for you

stealing down a wrong way street
for all the world like an urban toreador
she had wheels on on her feet
well the cars do the usual dances
same old cruise and the kerbside crawl
but the rollergirl she's taking chances
they just love to see her take them all
no fears alone at night she's sailing through the crowd
in her ears the phones are tight and the music's playing loud
hallelujah here she comes queen rollerball
enchante what can I say don't care at all
you know she used to have to wait around
she used to be the lonely one
but now that she can skate around town
she's the only one
no fears alone at night she's sailing through the crowd
in her ears the phones are tight and the music's playing loud
she gets rock n roll a rock n roll station
and a rock n roll dream
she's making movies on location
she don't know what it means
but the music make her wanna be the story
and the story was whatever was the song what it was
rollergirl don't worry
d.j. play the movies all night long
she tortures taxi drivers just for fun
she like to read their lips
says toro toro taxi see ya tomorrow my son
I swear she let a big truck grease her hip
she got her own world in the city
you can't intrude on her
she got her own world in the city
cos the city's benn so rude to her
no fears alone at night she's sailing through the crowd
in her ears the phones are tight and the music's playing loud
she gets rock n roll a rock n roll station
and a rock n roll dream
she's making movies on location
she don't know what it means
but the music make her wanna be the story
and the story was whatever was the song what it was
rollergirl don't worry
d.j. play the movies all night long
come slippin and slidin
life's roller ball
slippin and a slidin
skateaway that's all
shala shalay hey hey skateaway
she's going sining shala shalay hey hey
skateaway

Boy got to be moving
Seems like the boy is bound to roam
Southbound again got no money I've got no place to go
That woman's with her lover boy
Never want to see her face no more
Every single time I roll across the rolling River Tyne
I get the same old feeling
Every time I'm moving down the line
Southbound again last night I felt like crying
Right now I'm sick of living
But I'm going to keep on trying

walking thirty miles with a pack on his back
and he put down his load where he thought it was the best
made a home in the wilderness
he built a cabin and a winter store
and he ploughed up the ground by the cold lake shore
and the other travellers came riding down the track
and they never went further, no, they never went back
then came the churches then came the schools
then came the lawyers then came the rules
then came the trains and the trucks with their loads
and the dirty old track was the telegraph road
Then came the mines - then came the ore
then there was the hard times then there was a war
telegraph sang a song about the world outside
telegraph road got so deep and so wide
like a rolling river. . .
And my radio says tonight it's gonna freeze
people driving home from the factories
there's six lanes of traffic
three lanes moving slow. . .
I used to like to go to work but they shut it down
I got a right to go to work but there's no work here to be found
yes and they say we're gonna have to pay what's owed
we're gonna have to reap from some seed that's been sowed
and the birds up on the wires and the telegraph poles
they can always fly away from this rain and this cold
you can hear them singing out their telegraph code
all the way down the telegraph road
You know I'd sooner forget but I remember those nights
when life was just a bet on a race between the lights
you had your head on my shoulder you had your hand in my hair
now you act a little colder like you don't seem to care
but believe in me baby and I'll take you away
from out of this darkness and into the day
from these rivers of headlights these rivers of rain
from the anger that lives on the streets with these names
'cos I've run every red light on memory lane
I've seen desperation explode into flames
and I don't want to see it again. . .
>From all of these signs saying sorry but we're closed
all the way down the telegraph road

one step forward and it's back to go
you're standing on the throttle
you're standing on the breaks
in the groove 'til you make a mistake

sometimes you're the windshield
sometimes you're the bug
sometimes it all comes together baby
sometimes you're a fool in love
sometimes you're the louisville slugger
sometimes you're the ball
sometimes it all comes together baby
sometimes you're going to lose it all

you gotta know happy - you gotta know glad
because you're gonna know lonely
and you're gonna know bad
when you're rippin' and a ridin'
and you're coming on strong
you start slippin' and slidin'
and it all goes wrong because

sometimes you're the windshield
sometimes you're the bug
sometimes it all comes together baby
sometimes you're a fool in love
sometimes you're the louisville slugger baby
sometimes you're the ball
sometimes it all comes together baby
sometimes you're going to lose it all

one day you got the glory
one day you got none
one day you're a diamond
and then you're a stone
everything can change
in the blink of an eye
so let the good times roll
before we say goodbye, because

sometimes you're the windshield
sometimes you're the bug
sometimes it all comes together baby
sometimes you're a fool in love
sometimes you're the louisville slugger baby
sometimes you're the ball
sometimes it all comes together baby
sometimes you're going to lose it all

And in the wars I used to play
And I've called the tune
To many a torture session
Now they say I am a war criminal
And I'm fading away
Father please her my confession
I have legalised robbery
Called it a belief
I have run with the money
And hid like a theif
I have re-written history
With my armies and my crooks
Invented memories
I did burn all the books
And I can still hear his laughter
And I can still hear his song
The man's too big
The man's too strong
Well I have tried to be meek
And I have tried to be mild
But I spat like a woman
And sulked like a child
I have lived behind walls
That have made me alone
Striven for peace
Which I have never known
And I can still hear his laughter
And I can still hear his song
The man's too big
The man's too strong
Well the sun rose on the courtyard
And they all did hear him say
'You always were a Judas
But I got you anyway
You may have got your silver
But I swear upon my life
Your sister gave me diamonds
And I gave them to your wife'
Oh father please help me
For I have done wrong
The man's too big
The man's too strong

of toulouse and dauphine
waitin' on marie-ondine
I'm tryin' to place a tune
under a louisiana moonbeam
on the planet of new orleans
in a bar they call the saturn
and in her eyes of green
and somethin' that she said in a dream
inside of my suit I got my mojo root
and a true love figurine
for the planet of new orleans

new orleans - the other planet
with other life upon it
and everythin' that's shakin' in between
if you should ever land upon it
you better know what's on it
the planet of new orleans

now I'm tryin' to find my way
through the rain and the steam
I'm lookin' straight ahead through the screen
and then I heard her say
somethin' in the limousine
'bout taking a ride across the planet of new orleans

if she was an ace
and I was just a jack
and the cards were never seen
we could have been the king and the queen
but she took me back to her courtyard
where magnolia perfume screams
behind the gates and the granite
of the planet of new orleans

in the smile on my face
in my peace of mind
in my state of grace
I send what I can
to the man from the ministry
he's a part of heaven's plan
and he talks to me

now I send what I can to the man
with the diamond ring
he's a part of heaven's plan
and he sure can sing
now it's all I can afford
but the lord has sent me eternity
it's to save the little children
in a poor country

I got my ticket to heaven
and everlasting life
I got a ride all the way to paradise
I got my ticket to heaven
and everlasting life
all the way to paradise

now there's nothing left for luxuries
nothing left to pay my heating bill
but the good lord will provide
I know he will
so send what you can
to the man with the diamond ring
they're tuning in across the land
to hear him sing

I got my ticket to heaven
and everlasting life
I got a ride all the way to paradise
I got my ticket to heaven
and everlasting life
all the way to paradise

Gonna take a villa, a small chalet
On the Costa del Magnifico
Where the cost of living is so low
Yeah, we're gonna be so neat
Dance to the Eurobeat
Yeah, we're gonna be so cool
Twisting by the pool
Sitting in a small cafe now
Swing, swing, swinging to the cabaret
You wanna see a movie, take in a show now
Meet new people at the disco
Yeah, we're gonna be so neat
Dance to the Eurobeat
Yeah, we're gonna be so cool
Twisting by the pool
And we can still get information
Reading all about inflation
And you're never gonna be out of reach
There's a call box on the beach
Mmm, you're gonna be so cute
Sunglasses and a bathing suit
Be the baby of my dreams
Like the ladies in the magazines
Yeah, we're gonna be so neat
Dance to the Eurobeat
Yeah, we're gonna be so cool
Twisting by the pool
I'm just a twisting fool
Just twisting, yeah, twisting
Twisting by the pool

Be-Bop-A-Lua, Baby What I Say
Here comes Johnny singing I Gotta Woman
Down in the tunnels, trying to make it pay
He got the action, he got the motion
Yeah, the boy can play
Dedication devotion
Turning all the night time into the day
He do the song about the sweet lovin' woman
He do the song about the knife
He do the walk, he do the walk of life
Here comes Johnny and he'll tell you the story
Hand me down mu walkin' shoes
Here come Johnny with the power and the glory
Backbeat the talkin' blues
He got the action, he got the motion
Yeah, the boy can play
Dedication devotion
Turning all the night time into the day
He do the song about the sweet lovin' woman
He do the song about the knife
He do the walk, he do the walk of life
Here comes Johnny singing oldies, goldies
Be-Bop-A-Lula, Baby What I Say
Here comes Johnny singing I Gotta Woman
Down in the tunnels, trying to make it pay
He got the action, he got the motion
Yeah the boy can play
Decidation devotion
Turning all the night time into the day
And after all the violence and double talk
There's just a song in the trouble and the strife
You do the walk, you do the walk of life

Lost and lonely in every way
Got the flats all around me sky up above
I need a little water of love
I've been too long lonely and my heart feels pain
Crying out for some soothing rain
I believe I have taken enough
I need a little water of love
Water of love deep in the ground
No water here to be found
Some day baby when the river runs free
It'll carry that water of love to me
There's a bird up in a tree sitting up high
Waiting for me to die
If I don't get some water soon
I'll be dead and gone in the afternoon
Once I had a woman I could call my own
Once I had a woman now my woman is gone
Once there was a river now there's a stone
You know it's evil when you're living alone

and I'm wondering where'd you get that cold, cold heart
set me free - sign my release
I'm tired of being the villain of the peace

you been giving me a bad time
tell me what I'd do
how come I always get a hard time
honey when it comes to you
sayin' things that you didn't have to
how come I always get a hard time
honey when it comes to you

you only get one life - this I know
I wanna get my licks in now before I go
the fire of love is dead and cold
I gotta satisfy the hunger in my soul

and you been giving me a bad time
tell me what I'd do
how come I always get a hard time
honey when it comes to you
sayin' things that you didn't have to
how come I always get a hard time
honey when it comes to you

Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say
But baby I'll wipe away those bitter tears
I'll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into grey
Why worry, there should be laughter after the pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now
Baby when I get down I turn to you
And you make sense of what I do
I know it isn't hard to say
But baby just when this world seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way
Why worry, there should be laughter after pain
There should be sunsh ine after rain
These things have always been the same

So why worry now

Checking out the movies and the magazines
Waitress she watches me crossing from the Barocco Bar
I'm getting a pickup for my steel guitar
I saw you walking out Shaftesbury Avenue
Excuse me for talking I wanna marry you
This is the seventh heaven street to me
Don't be so proud
You're just another angel in the crowd
And I'm walking in he wild west end
Walking with your wild best friend
And my conductress on the number nineteen
She was a honey
Pink toenails and hands all dirty with money
Greasy hair easy smile
Made me feel nineteen for a while
Amd wI went down to Chinatown
In the backroom it's a man's world
All the money go down
Duck inside the doorway gotta duck to eat
Right now feels alright now
You and me we can't beat
And a gogo dancing girl yes I saw her
The deejay he say here's Mandy for ya
I feel alright to see her
But she's paid to do that stuff
She's dancing high I move on by
The close ups can get rough
When you're walking in the wild west end

are you and your friend gonna get on down
will you and your friend come around
or are you and your friend gonna let me down

if you talk to one another
I'm a hungry man
let me know one way or the other
so I can make my plans

will you and your friend come around
are you and your friend gonna get on down
will you and your friend come around
or are you and your friend gonna let me down

I relive the situation
still see in in my mind
you got my imagination
working overtime

Between the satin beaus and their belles
And prehistoric garbage trucks
Have the city to themselves
Echoes roars dinosaurs
They're all doing the monster mash
And most of the taxis and the whores
Are only taking calls for cash
I don't know how it happened
It all took place so quick
But all I can do is hand it to you
And your latest trick
My door was standing open
Security was laid back and lax
But it was only my heart got broken
You must have had a pass key made out of wax
You played robbery with insolence
And I played the blues in twelve bars down Lover's Lane
And you never did have the inteligence to use
The twelve keys hanging off my chain
I don't know how it happened
It all took place so quick
But all I can do is hand it to you
And your latest trick
Now it's past last call for alcohol
Past recall has been here and gone
The landlord finally paid us all
The satin jazzmen have put away their horns
And we're standing outside of this wonderland
Looking so bereaved and so bereft
Like a Bowery bum when he finally understands
The bottle's empty and there's nothing left
I don't know how it happened
It was faster than the eye could flick
But not all I can do is hand it to you
And your latest trick